You've spent all afternoon shopping for the perfect gift for your daughter. You know her likes and dislikes, and you know she can be very...um...selective, shall we say? But you are fairly certain you have found the gift that will make her squeal and jump up and down in absolute ecstasy!
You get home, wrap it lovingly in the shiny fuchsia pink paper with the rainbow ribbons that you know she wanted, and set it on the table just in time for her to come bursting through the door with her friends. They had a successful afternoon at the arcade, and now it is time for copious amounts of sucrose and rending of wrapping paper.
The cake is doled out, and the birthday girl settles in to survey her booty. She opens a few presents from her friends first, ooing and ahhing over each one before going to the next. She's practically in a frenzy now. She gets to your present and tears off the wrapping.
She smiles, says "awesome", tosses it aside, and goes onto the next one.
That's it.
Just... awesome.
No "Wow, thanks, you're the best parents ever!"
No "This is what I always wanted, thanks so much!"
No "Thanks!" at all.
You feel your bubble rapidly deflating as you watch your perfect present slowly buried under the mountain of other perfect presents. Oh, let's be honest. She might as well have stomped all over it. Is this really your daughter? The child you have carefully drilled manners into from the time she was old enough to understand that the sounds coming out of your mouth were actually words? Is this really the girl that total strangers smile and comment over, about how wonderfully behaved she is, and how lucky you are as a parent to have such a well-mannered child?
For a second, you have to look twice just to make sure that Scrooge isn't sitting in your dining room, scattering colorful paper around the room like confetti and squealing with sugar-hyped friends.
I know what you are thinking. She's just a kid. I'm sure she is grateful. She commented on it, right?
But it still hurts, doesn't it? The utter, complete, ingratitude of that kid. After the time you spent searching for the perfect gift, the one thing that would make the other kids in the neighborhood green with envy, and she couldn't even be troubled to say "thank you". And, preferably, mean it.
Gratitude is suffering from a terrible lack of supply these days. It seems that everyone wants to be appreciated for what they do, who they are, for the sacrifices they make for family, friends, and perfect strangers... but they seem to have a curiously hard time in giving that same acknowledgement to others. Is it really so very hard to say "thank you" to others, and mean it? From that random cute guy that holds open the door for you at Wendy's, to the people who gave you life and raised you?
Or even... to our Creator?
We've all felt the sting of not being appreciated. You moms out there know it well. Our job is a very thankless one. Almost painfully so. And yet we do it anyway, because of our love for our family. Imagine, then, how it must feel for the One who has given us everything, to look down on this world and see how utterly selfish His children have become.
Yes, I said selfish. Because that's what it is, isn't it? If we can't be bothered to be grateful for what we have, aren't we only thinking of ourselves? And that, at it's core, is selfishness. The essence of gratitude is thinking of others and putting their feelings first. Therefore, the opposite is thinking of oneself. Selfishness.
Is it really so hard? Really? Even when we aren't feeling particularly grateful, is it so difficult to give a simple and sincere thank you? That olive green sweater with the dancing gray kitten may be the ugliest thing to ever be shipped by the US Postal Service, and you may be wishing to heaven that you could come up with a decent excuse to give Great Aunt Gertie why you can't wear it (is there such a thing as an acrylic allergy?). But... she went to a lot of trouble to make it. She gave of her time and talent to make something special for you. Would it really kill you just to say "thank you for your effort, Auntie"?
Because when you say thank you, you are also saying something else. You are saying "I appreciate you for what you did for me." Or, in short, you are saying "I love you".
Gratitude isn't always just what you say, either. It comes through in your everyday actions. How you act or react toward that person. How you treat the gift they gave you. How you then behave toward others.
There is a custom in our society called "paying it forward". In essence, it is showing gratitude simply for the kindness of others as a whole, by doing nice things for others in advance. Has anyone ever done a great favor for you, and the only thing they asked in return was for you to help someone else? Have you shown your gratitude by following through with their wish?
Our world is rapidly becoming all about "every man for himself". Worse, it is becoming about "every man wanting the whole world to be about himself". The antidote for selfishness is selflessness. Gratitude. Love for others. If we want this world to be a better place, where we should start is with ourselves. In our words and deeds. These things can ripple out from us and make our homes, families and communities better places. We should teach our children gratitude, and show it to others as much as we can. Like respect and kindness, gratitude should be a part of us, a thread in the tapestry of our lives.
And in the long run, you will find yourself not only appreciating others more, but being appreciated. When we have a grateful heart, others can see it, and the effect is magnified. Gratitude truly is the gift that keeps on giving.
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