It has taken me a couple of weeks to do this post. Because this is not the original post I started to write. My original subject was on having a sense of humor. I tried, and I tried, but I just couldn't get it to come out right.
Then it hit me. I was coming at it from the wrong direction.
Humor is great. Everyone loves a good belly laugh, sometimes getting to the point that you're sitting there, flapping helplessly, like a drunk, demented seal.
But let's face it, humor isn't the solution to everything, believe it or not.
Majorie Pay Hinckley, who happens to be one of my personal heroes, once said something to the effect of "You can either laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache." That is such an inspiration to me, and so true! Another wise person, whose name escapes me at the moment, said that life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it. Also very true. We can often turn a bad day around simply by our reaction.
I know some of you out there are probably already rolling your eyes, wanting to reach through your computer screens and shake me, reminding me that it isn't that simple. What about depression, or anxiety, or any other of a host of mental illnesses?
Believe me, I know. Depression is a specter over my days as well. But that is the beauty of positivity. It isn't something you feel, so much as something you do. Something you think. A way of approaching life that is beyond your mental state. And, in fact, there have been preliminary scientific studies that suggest that over time, you can rewire your brain to be more positive simply by trying to think more positively! Imagine what a relief that could be to millions who suffer every day from hopelessness and despair.
Again, I know, it isn't always that easy. Some illness is so severe it cannot be conquered by any amount of positive thinking. But isn't it worth a try?
The general idea that I am trying to convey, in my own strange way, is that life is what we make of it. If you are having a bad day, month, year, whatever, you may be able to improve things simply by changing your outlook.
Take laundry, for instance. Not the favorite chore for most people, because it is so blasted boring! I don't mind it, actually.
Oh, pick your jaw up off the floor already. I'm not terribly good at keeping up with it, but once I get started, I enjoy the quiet time, because I use that time to let my brain wander. I'll spend time picking through whatever the current knotty problems are in my life, thinking about my interactions with the kids, other people, things that need to be done...
Yes, a little too easy to obsess when you let your brain be so totally free. But would you care to guess what I was doing when I finally broke through and found my idea for this blog post? Yeah, laundry.
You can apply that to other simple problems or annoyances in life. Who loves to do dishes?
I didn't think so.
But... that can also be time used for thinking. Maybe you can consider the latest dinner recipe, and ways to improve it. Maybe go over your mental grocery list. Or even a physical one, if you are that organized. Turn it into family time. Hand your kid a dish towel and talk about school while doing the dishes. And no, being made to do chores is NOT going to scar your kid for life.
In fact, that is another side to positivity. Take the last day you had that you were so utterly exhausted, so discouraged, you felt like you just could not scrape your sorry hide out of bed to do anything. Well, if your problems are physical, there may not be much to do about that other than a couple of ibuprofen and a hot bath. But if you are having a bad day mentally, take every little scrap of willpower you can find, every last gasp of impetus, and do something. Anything. Even if it's just cleaning old receipts off of your desk.
Now, take a look at what you did.
Doesn't that feel good? You accomplished something!
Ride the wave. Take that feeling, and go do something else, like pull weeds out of the front sidewalk. Getting outside can be a great boost to positivity. I love being outside more than in. I love being out under the big blue sky, watching the clouds, watching hummingbirds hovering around my front flowerbed. I love watching the kids running around while I not-so-secretly envy their energy levels and wish I could somehow bottle it and sell it for a million dollars.
Being positive isn't just for ourselves, either. It can have a great effect on other people. Your children, for instance:
Let's say you have just told your kids to clean up the living room. There's books, crayons, cups, bowls, toys, papers... ay yi yi, it looks like a tornado went nine rounds with a hurricane. But they are old enough to learn to clean, so it's their job to clean up their mess. You tell them to clean, then head into the kitchen to start dinner.
You come back five minutes later. One of them made a desultory effort to stack books, while the other two alternate between playing, teasing, and outright fighting, making the mess even worse.
So what are you options here?
If your knee-jerk reaction is anything like mine, it's to yell "what are you doing, I told you to clean this mess up, if you don't clean it up right now I'm going to get the garbage can out and clean it my way and you know what that means!"
And just how effective is that?
If your kids are like mine, they probably instantly break out into a chorus of "but she..." or "but he....." or "I didn't..." or "this is boring" or "not fair!"
Headdesk.
Of course, there is another option. Break down and do it yourself. Which, of course, just teaches the kids that if they whine enough, mommy will do everything for them. That attitude has direct correlation to the generation of entitled teens we have today.
That, however, is a different subject. At the moment, you have to find a way to teach your kids responsibility while actually accomplishing something.
So what is the positive way to solve this problem?
We've had some very creative solutions in the past. But most of them boil down to one basic concept. You don't do the cleaning for them. You don't leave it all to them. You work together.
How could this scenario go? Maybe something like this-- you step into the room with an encouraging smile, even though the last thing you feel like doing is smiling, and you sit down on a chair. "I see you are having some trouble getting started," you tell them. "Let's work on this together and see how fast we can get it done."
"Kid 1, you keep working on the books, since you are doing such a good job with them." Believe it or not, when I put things in those terms, my kids not only put away the loose books, they take the time to organize the whole bookshelf! Anything that gets praise from mommy, which they love.
"Kid 2, you are big enough to carry a stack of dishes, how about you stack those dishes in rainbow order and take them to the sink?"
Infuse a little fun into the job, making a rainbow, and they will get it done.
"Kid 3, let me see you take a shot into the toy bin with those stuffed animals. Go for a 3 pointer!"
It definitely takes longer than if you had just done it yourself. But eventually, the job is done. You have a sense of satisfaction that your living room has been restored to livability, your kids have a sense of accomplishment, and you can now run over the ant-attracting crumbs with the vacuum before every ant in the neighborhood discovers the smorgasbord on your floor.
Soon enough, with time and practice, your kids will find a routine of their own. And, maybe, if a miracle happens, they'll learn to clean up the mess themselves without being asked.
Positivity can work miracles. For yourself, and others.
Let's try another one. This time with adults. We all know that kids are highly irrational and illogical beings. But adults... that one should be easy, right?
Sally is just emerging from a meeting that would be more accurately described as a public flogging. Her current project is in shambles, having rapidly fallen apart over the last couple weeks. The other members of her team aren't holding up their end, the Big Boss is furious and just spent half an hour practically screaming at her that she had better get it together before he decides to just fire the entire department. Of course, that makes her coworkers glower at her, each of them blaming her for putting them on the spot as well, no matter their responsibility in this mess.
Her supervisor catches up to her in the hallway. His neck is on the line here, too.
Freeze frame.
Sally is feeling terrible as it is, hopeless and frustrated. She wants this project to be a success as much as anyone, but no one is helping her!
Her supervisor is frustrated and worried. She isn't the only one that got verbally shredded by the Big Boss. He has to find a way to make this work, or he could lose his job. And with a new baby at home... can anyone blame him if he is a little tense?
There are two ways this could go.
He could give her "the talk". Basically rehash over everything the Big Boss just said. "Sally, you have made a big mess of this, and you need to clean this up and get this done soon or we're all going to be fired and it's all your fault!"
And she could fire back with "the others on my team aren't helping me, they're a bunch of lazy bums, and I'm tired of everyone yelling at me when no one will do their part and this isn't my fault!"
Wow. That isn't going to go over well. Throwing your coworkers under the bus generally isn't considered a career-boosting move.
Let's inject just a little bit of positivity into this, and see if it can go better.
The supervisor gives her a smile, and instead of yelling, he says "boy, that was a rough meeting, eh? I"m sorry things haven't been going so well on this. I'm here to help you. I believe in you, I know you can do this. Is there anything I can do to help work this out? Are you having problems with your team? I know Alice has been having trouble at home with her kids, maybe she could use a different assignment. And Joe hasn't been doing much lately, he told me he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing. Could we maybe have a meeting and see if we can straighten this out?"
Sally, who didn't know about Alice's problems at home, feels a bit of hope now. If she has her supervisor in her corner, maybe she can get the others to do their jobs and salvage this project.
"That would be great," she tells him. "I know the others have been busy, and I'm sorry for Alice, but I just can't do this alone. If we can all work together, then we can get this done. I appreciate the vote of confidence."
So rather than going back to her desk feeling like an utter failure, Sally has the power of positivity to give her that little boost she needs to get up and try again. She hasn't failed yet. She only fails if she gives up. And thanks to her supervisor's encouragement, she isn't giving up yet.
Everyone in this world can use a little more positivity in their lives. Whether at work, at home, or even just out among the general public. It is unfortunate that there is so much in the media that applauds negativity. Competition, back-biting, fault-finding, anger and selfishness. That is what gets attention, and ratings. There seems to be so little in this world that is positive.
But it doesn't have to be that way. Being positive is possible, and much more fun, in my opinion. And it starts with you. Be more positive, with yourself, and with others. And it will amaze you just how much better life can really be.
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