"Judge not, that ye be not judged."
We've all heard it, in various forms. "Don't judge me, bro" seems to be the watchcry of the day. Political candidates furiously trade jabs of "You did X!" and "Well, you can't judge me for X because you did Y!"
It seems that every second of every day involves a judgment of some kind. Yet we have been counseled not to judge.
So... what are we supposed to do?
First of all, let's take a step back, take a breath, and calm down. Then, let's consult good old Webster. Definition 1: an opinion or decision that is based on careful thought. Or Definition 2:the act or process of forming an opinion or making a decision after careful thought : the act of judging something or someone.
Well, the second one was more like two definitions.
Looking at the second half of the second definition... sound familiar? We judge people all the time, day in, and day out. And it rarely involves the first definition. Which requires careful thought.
That, my friends, is the problem here. That is what creates the Christian Conundrum on judgment.
We are not asked to avoid judgment in any case, at any time. We are asked not to judge others. Other people, who are just as imperfect as we are, and whom we may know very little, or absolutely nothing about. Turn the tables. Imagine someone judging you, when they have never met you before. How would you feel?
Let's look at a simple example. You are driving along on a two lane road, in a hurry as usual, and praying that you don't end up stuck behind a slow car.
Then, because Murphy reigns supreme over the road system of our great nation... you end up behind a slow car. Some guy in a 40 year old klunker, going about ten below the limit, belching blue smoke... and heaven help you, he is on his cell phone.
If you are anything like me, your instant snap-judgment response is: Jerk.
Yes, it's true. As humans, we tend to judge/categorize one another. And slow drivers are right up near the top of my list of humans that seriously need to overhaul their personalities. And their manners. And their cars, etc, ad infinutum.
And right now, on your side of the screen, you may be reading my words and thinking "Wow, she's a jerk!"
And... you're probably right! A little.
I said it before. Just because I write about these things doesn't mean I am a subject matter expert! Usually when I write about something, it's a reminder to myself that it's something I need to work on. Yet another mental sticky note along with the hundreds of others floating around my poor brain.
We could all use a few lessons on not judging others. Some are definitely better than others. Their snap judgment about the cell phone addict in the half-dead Cadillac may be "oh, poor guy, I wonder if he's breaking down and calling for help."
If that is your knee-jerk reaction... can I watch you be translated?
Seriously, that takes a lot of patience, and an amazing sense of charity. We could all use a strong dose of that. Even if all we can manage is to narrowly avoid a snarky thought, and instead just roll along behind the slow driver with barely controlled impatience, it's a start. Who knows? Maybe he really is breaking down. Maybe he is getting a call with tragic news from home.
Should he pull over, then? Yes, absolutely. But we don't need to judge him on it.
Why is judgment so dangerous and so potentially damaging to our souls? Well, for one thing, it doesn't tend to help the situation. Getting mad at the slow driver usually doesn't do anything but raise your blood pressure and your risk of rear-ending the other car, which would put a serious crimp on your day. And have every other driver on the road thinking nasty thoughts about you, the idiot that caused a two-mile long backup.
But more than that, it really isn't our place to judge others. Because, as I said before, we don't know much about them. Even if we do know them well, can you really say that you understand the innermost thoughts and intents of their heart?
No, probably not.
There is only one person that can do that. Well, two. Our Heavenly Father, and His Son. They understand us better than we understand ourselves. They see all, from the beginning to the end, and They know whether someone is truly a jerk, ignorant, or just oblivious. They know our pain, our weakness, our trials. Only They can judge.
Just as an earthly judge makes a decision only when the evidence has been presented, our Father is infinitely patient in letting us prove our true character. In letting us learn, and grow, and maybe hit the gas a little harder.
Since we are supposed to be learning to be like Him... shouldn't we try to be a bit more patient as well?
Now, granted, there are some situations that will require a snap judgment. Yes, I said it. Sometimes you will have to judge someone else. Those situations involve your personal safety, and that of your family.
Case in point: you are walking home from a late meeting. You thought you would be done sooner, and so you hadn't bothered to drive. Now it's dark, the street light is burned out again, and you are in a part of the neighborhood that gives you the shivers. You walk a little faster, imagining some Stephen King wannabe hovering in a nearby bush with a waiting pen and paper.
You stop dead, heart hammering. From an alley just up ahead, a man steps out. He has 'the look'. You are instantly terrified, wishing you hadn't left your Smith and Wesson at home. Though after the day you've had, facing a self-defense hearing isn't high on your list of great ways to spend the evening.
If you were of a mind to be charitable, you might be a bit concerned for him. Maybe he was mugged, maybe he's hurt, maybe he's mental and lost.
Or maybe he is a mugger, and you are in a whole lot of trouble.
At this point, facing a guy that looks like one of your bookie's boys when your debt is six months overdue, you have two options. Rely on your faith in humanity, or pull a Smuggler's Reverse (basically a quick-snapped yo-yo U-turn) and get the heck out of there as fast as you can.
If he really is a good guy, he'll likely appreciate the irony of the situation and blow it off. If he's a bad guy, I wouldn't be too terribly concerned about his feelings at the moment.
In this situation, it was not only a good idea, but absolutely necessary to make a judgment call. Most normal people do not hover around dark alleys at night. For your safety, it was best to assume the worst, and get out of that situation. Does that make you a bad Christian? No. This is a sick, imperfect world, and there are definitely people out there with bad intentions. We can judge situations. We can even judge strange behavior, to a point, with regards to how we should react.
Then, there are other situations when it seems like we should make a judgment... but it is best not to. In fact, it is the most merciful thing you could do.
You are at the grocery store, considering your options amongst jars of pickles and olives, when you heard a sound behind you. It sounds roughly like the agonized wail of a banshee being roasted on a hot lance over boiling lava with piranhas nibbling happily at its flesh.
After quickly clapping hands over your poor assaulted ears, you turn around.
It's a kid. Eight, maybe nine years old. Old enough to know better than to throw a tantrum, yet that's exactly what they are doing. Jars go flying, smashing on the ground, security comes at a dead run, and you are seriously considering taking your business to the grocery store across town. Maybe in the next county, actually. The kid's mother is desperately trying to get hold of him, but she has a three and five year old hanging on her arms, equally terrified at their brother's outburst, and they refuse to let go.
You first thought?
Well, much as I hate to admit it, my first thought would probably be "what a brat".
Not so much these days, however. Because my family has been blessed with some very special spirits with very serious challenges. And in getting to know them, I have learned a lot about kids, and how the smallest things can send them into a raging fit. Things that we may not even understand, but it is huge to them. They do not understand social cues, they really don't care about what they may destroy, and they certainly don't seem to have enough empathy to understand that their fits can cause serious bodily injury to those around them.
They just... don't... get it.
We, as beings capable of higher reasoning and thought, need to understand this. You cannot judge them by the same rules as the rest of humanity. In fact, best not to try to judge them at all.
You can try to be helpful, you can speak a few kinds words to the mother, but please do not add to her burden. Often, our opinion of people shows clearly on our faces. And you never know when you could make or break a person with just your expression.
In Mosiah 7:15 (thanks Missy!) it says:
For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil, and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.
Judgment is given to use to tell right from wrong, and that may involve coming to a conclusion that governs our reaction to a situation, or someone's behavior. But we are not supposed to judge others.
Judge not, that ye be not judged. Put yourself in their shoes.
What would you want them to do?
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